i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
