Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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