I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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