Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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