No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
