I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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