Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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