i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
