i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
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She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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