she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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