it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
