Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
