hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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