If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
