So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
