i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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