You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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