She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
