So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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