i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
