Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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