Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
