can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just invented taco cereal.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
