cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
