it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
