Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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