It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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