Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
