I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
