so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
