Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
