she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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