I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
