What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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