please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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