If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
