Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My life is pants optional.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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