and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
