Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
