And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
