dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
