Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
