the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
