I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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