i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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