mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
