I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
