Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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