brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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