she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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