i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
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he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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