Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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