drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
