Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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