Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
