oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
