She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
