And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
