my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
