We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
