It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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