he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
