I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
