I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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